Sunday, May 08, 2005

Paris Hilton to star in eight version of...


Come on Hollyweird, make Version #8!

Click here: Lana Turner in the seventh movie version of MADAME X (1966).

But this time, have it star Paris Hilton! YES! have Paris hire a dialect coach and let her gain 25 LBS, get a hefty shot of silicone and voila! It's the Zsa Zsa Gabor Story!

Oh, what the hell, let me stop blogging and I'll write the 21st Century is sooooo newsworthy! I miss Zsa Zsa, damnit. I am ready to begin.

Synopsis, Page 1...

[first I go back to the New York Daily News - ]

Paris Hilton is a Zsa Zsa Gabor descendant. She was born to inherit this mantel, by golly!

Zsa Zsa! For years she was the celebrity equivalent of ginger ale - fine if you needed a bubbly blond, barely legal hotel heiress (and her sister) to add a little fizz. Then one day you pick up the paper and - she's everywhere. She's Coke! ....Her [other] reality show - the one where she cavorts for three grainy minutes with a C-list celeb - is spreading through the Internet like, well, porn.

Is Paris burning with shame? Hardly. This is her moment. At last she has achieved the name-brand recognition that a million other fame- and food-starved wanna-bes can only dream of. How? The Gabor gene. She has it. The one that makes you famous merely for being wealthy, well-dressed and willing to work it. (No, I will not define "it.")

While Zsa Zsa is not biologically related to Paris, she comes close enough for column purposes. Conrad Hilton - Paris' great-grandpa - was married to Zsa Zsa for a bit. (Who wasn't?) They divorced in 1947, [and had a daughter, Francesca].

Now Paris seems to be modeling herself on her jet-set coquette of a step-great-grandmother.
She's living the high life, playing the ditz. She even has Nicky, a slightly less exhibitionistic little sister à la Eva Gabor, to complete the picture.

[Below, is the incomparable Zsa Zsa Gabir, married nine times, currently Mrs. Count Fredrick von Inhalt:]


[Zsa Zsa was a BIG personaility. HUGE! People named their poodles after her. She was FAMOUS. Now she is in a coma in the Motion Picture Country Home, nearly forgotten. This in itself makes me so nuts.

The last real news about la Diva Ultimo? After the car accident in 2002:]

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